callistephus
by sugariest
Summary: upon finding out that ino is everyone in their group's first kiss, sai attempts to find out if kissing ino is actually that special or not (spoiler: it is). –– ino/EVERYONE. inosai, past!ino/kba, past-onesided!sasuino. implied naruhina, sasusaku, gaalee. canon compliant (ish).


**summary:** upon finding out that ino is everyone in their group's first kiss, sai attempts to find out if kissing ino is actually that special or not (spoiler: it is). –– ino/EVERYONE. inosai, past!ino/kba, past-onesided!sasuino. implied naruhina, sasusaku, gaalee. canon compliant.

 **notes** : idk one day i'm going to stop writing so much ino fic, but until then **finger guns**

 **wc** : 5759

* * *

"you're thinking too much, whatever it is." sakura's words pulled sai out of his thought, long enough to catch naruto trying to pull his bowl of ramen away from him. letting it go, sai looked at sakura as he tried to form the right words to say.

"today ino kissed me." those four words, words that sai thought would make everyone stop and question what had happened, were met with nothing, except for sakura raising an eyebrow.

"from my readings, kissing is a way to show signs of affection, and where a person kisses you is a true mark of that. since she kissed me on the lips, i am under the understanding that she likes me and would like to continue a relationship on a different level." as sai continued explaining, sakura wanted to stop him and point out that he shouldn't exactly base his ideas on what he read in books, but she knew that this was the best way that sai could explain what was feeling or experiencing. he was going through a lot when it came to dating ino, even if by ino's standards they were taking it slow. sakura was sure that if she were in the same situation with hurricane ino, she'd do the same.

"eh, i wouldn't think much…ino kisses everyone." naruto spoke before sakura could answer sai's queries, and she found herself clenching her fist, preparing to punch naruto for sharing that piece of information. sai was quick to wave her off though, wanting to know more about this. great, now sakura had to do damage control. every blonde in her life was the root of all her problems, she decided.

"well…ino kisses everyone, but that doesn't mean she doesn't like you!" sakura was quick to try and get that idea out of the air, planning on strangling naruto for having even introduced the possibility that ino didn't like sai in the first place.

"she just…that's just how ino shows affection." it was true, sakura had been her best friend for years, and always on the receiving end of ino's kisses, no matter what the situation.

"actually, now that you mention it, isn't ino everyone's first kiss?" naruto spoke again and sakura was starting to think of how she could use her medical expertise to murder him and make it look like an accident. she was sure that she could do it.

naruto's words drove sai into deep thought once more, as sakura began to throttle naruto, shaking him roughly for mentioning that. he could vaguely hear her telling naruto that sai didn't get things like this, and that bringing up ino's oddities would only confuse him and make a mess of the situation.

"was your first kiss with ino?" sai's words made sakura pause in her shake down of naruto, and both members of the pair looked at him. as they registered his words, sakura dropped naruto, she could feel her own face heating up at the question and she found herself flustered as she tried to think of how to answer the question.

"ah…well! i mean…" while sakura tried to find the words to explain her first kiss, that had embarrassingly enough been with ino, naruto was more than happy to provide an answer.

"ino-chan was my first kiss too." no, he would not regard the incident with sasuke as his first kiss, that wasn't going to happen. sai knew that his first kiss was with sasuke, but for now he wasn't going to question it as he looked down at him.

"it happened after the battle with pain, when we were still rebuilding the village. i had gone to the flower shop to get some flowers to lay at the stone…" naruto paused as he did his best to remember his kiss with ino, "she kind of just cornered me! kissed me right on the lips and then gave them to me free of charge as a thank you! i mean it was nice that she gave me free flowers, but i had been saving my real first kiss for sakura-chan!" as naruto complained about the kiss, sai listened to him carefully. she had kissed naruto as a thank you, which didn't necessarily mean that she liked him.

"your turn, ugly." sai expected sakura to go next, she had used all of naruto's useless story stammering and trying to find out how to explain her first kiss with ino. sakura clenched her fist at his comment, but complied.

"after they…tried to get sasuke back and couldn't. i had gone to spend the night at her place, and i was crying, and she was fussing over her hair because she thought it looked so bad short." sai could easily envision that, he had seen pictures of ino with her hair short, and promptly told her it was a terrible look. she didn't talk to him for a week.

"when i started crying, she got annoyed and told me that it was useless to cry over stupid boys with their heads up their asses, i think that's the first and only time she's ever talked about sasuke like that. anyway, she kissed me and wiped my tears. she then told me that i was way too pretty to cry like that." the way sakura spoke was with such a fondness and gentleness that it even surprised sai. and she was touching her lips as if it was an enjoyable memory.

comfort. she had kissed sakura to comfort her, and from the way that she spoke of it, it had done the trick. sakura had a memory of a first kiss with ino, that was done out of comfort (and maybe love, sai was unsure yet of how to read it). so he nodded his head at sakura's story, understanding it as best he could.

"i think i will have to investigate more." sai finally commented, nodding his head, having determined to get to the bottom of the meaning of kisses–especially from his girlfriend.

"no, no sai! don't worry about it, honestly." but it was too late, sakura knew that there was no point in really trying to convince him of it otherwise. all she could feel was her desire to throttle naruto for opening this can of worms in the first place.

* * *

sai wouldn't be a ninja if he wasn't a master of subtlety, and he was incorporating it into his plan of asking people if they had kissed ino–or rather ino kissed them. he had once read that people didn't like to "kiss and tell", which meant that they weren't too keen on sharing information about past flings and rendezvous.

not that he had actually thought that ino had had flings with any of these people, nor did he really care if she did. that wasn't as important, nor would it ever be really, as this.

the first thing that sai needed to do was devise a plan, so that he could get to the subject without having brought it up himself, though he was sure that if he did, it wouldn't actually matter. some of the people that he hung out were blunt and incredibly open, so it didn't necessarily seem like they would care about talking about kissing ino. on the other hand there were people that absolutely did seem like they did care about keeping things like that private.

people like shino and hinata, who sai found himself on a mission with. kiba was there too, but sai knew that he wouldn't have to do much to get any information out of him. for some situations, kiba was like a leaky faucet and he was sure that once the topic was brought up, kiba would easily spill, so sai wouldn't have to pressure him or anything of that nature to get the information from him.

"so, hinata, how are things going with naruto?" bingo. kiba was the first person to bring up what sai needed to be brought up. they had finished setting up camp for the night and were eating a meagre dinner of food pills, since they were supposed to be travelling light.

at the mention of naruto, hinata fond herself blushing, her face suddenly dusted with a light red as she thought about her boyfriend, a small smile breaking out on he face.

"last night…naruto and i spent the night together…" she trialed off, momentarily pausing before raising her hands and shaking her head. "not! not in the bad way! we just share the bed and kissed a bit…a lt." her face so red as she thought about last night that she didn't even know that she had walked right in to sai's plan.

maybe sai should take over shikamaru's position as a tactical advisor, because clearly he was just as good–if not better–at developing plans.

"ino and i did the same last night as well. she said that she wanted to see me off before my mission, so she stayed the night with me." sai left out the part about how ino criticised his meagre dwellings–they were fit for a single man, especially one who was always out on missions. and he definitely left out the part about how she said that when they moved in together, she would have to do the decorating.

"you spent the night with ino, huh? i guess things are getting pretty serious between you two." kiba reached over, nudging sai a bit too roughly to get his point across to the other.

sakura once said that the bigger the patch of hair on kiba's chin got–the denser and worse he got all around. and sai was starting to see what she meant by that. he ignored the implications though, because even though they made him uncomfortable to hear that (and he wasn't sure why) he wanted to get kiba talking about kissing ino.

"man, ino sure is a passionate one, you got yourself lucky in that situation, sai. she's going to drive you crazy, and rock your world all at the same time." from his position where he was relaxed against akamaru, speaking, almost fondly, about the blonde girl.

maybe, sai wondered, people wouldn't miss him if kiba went "missing" on this mission.

"you don't say things like that, kiba." ah, there was shino to scold kiba. "ino is no longer your girlfriend, and you can not go around telling people, especially her current boyfriend, what you feel about her personality. your opinion on the subject is unwanted for the most part."

oh right. sai had heard of this before. ino and kiba had dated when they were teenagers. sai had seen them running around back then, arguing and hugging and kissing. now was his chance.

"if you do not mind me asking, kiba, was ino your first kiss?" sai's question surprised all of team eight. well he assumed it surprised shino, but he wasn't entirely sure what was going on behind those glasses.

"yeah, but not when we were that old!" kiba was quick to defend himself, always trying to make sure that his 'image'. "back when we were genin…i mean, well i'm the one who kissed her, you know? she was one of the first girls i ever really liked so i wanted to show her that and so you know i kinda planted one on her." kiba actually seemed just a tad bit embarrassed about th situation, laughing a bit.

"because you kissed ino without her permission, she punched you." and there was shino to rain on kiba's parade. while kiba blanched, visibly about shino once again blowing his cool.

even if the story that he told didn't sound very cool in sai's opinion to begin with.

"oh shut up! at least it's better than ino cornering me to try and take off my glasses with a kiss!" kiba pointed an accusatory finger at shino, because at least his story about his first kiss, which had been with ino, hadn't been so lame.

"it is only natural for a person to become curious about something that they are unsure of. because of ino's curiosity to see my eyes, she attempted to distract me with a kiss it is not something that bothers me, because it is not the most ridiculous attempt that someone has made in order o see my face." his words were pointed at kiba this time.

as the two began to argue, sai was quick to drown them out, something that he had made a point of learning how to do after being on a team with sakura and naruto for so long. it was the only way you could really think with the two of them around. so, she kissed shino out of curiosity to see what's behind his glasses, and ultimately failed (or at least that's what he was assuming). and she kissed kiba–kiba kissed her because he had liked her, and though she didn't like him at the time, her feelings for him had changed over the past few years, which lead to her dating–and kissing–kiba. more than once.

kissing was turning out to be a lot more complex than sai thought.

while the two argued, sai suddenly found himself being joined by the remaining person. taking a seat next to him, hinata spoke softly, so that she wouldn't alert her two teammates.

"ino-chan kissed me once too." sai was surprised that she spoke so boldly about it, and looked at hinata curiously. how did she know of his plan to begin with.

"sakura-chan told me." oh, that made sense. "ino-chan kissed me not too long after the war. she told me that i was going to need practice for all the kissing i was going to do with naruto…" hinata's cheeks were suddenly a deep shade of red and she could feel herself getting light heaed.

"hm. did it help?" with that, sai's words managed to send hinata over the top, the girl's face completely flushed and sai figured that if she were a kettle she'd be blowing steam.

the information that she gave him though did add a new element–one that he didn't think of. could kissing be helpful? apparently ino had thought so as she had done that for ino. sai also made note of the fact that naruto definitely was not hinata's first kiss, and e planned on using that against him at some point. it would be fun.

* * *

it was by luck that sai found himself on a mission with shikamaru and chouji. the c-ranked mission of giving several dogs, all whom belonged to the hokage, a bath. apparently it was supposed to be a group punishment for the entire team, as they had gone to an all you can eat buffet in the capital of fire country, and left with a tab that should've been illegal. a tab in kakashi's name.

sai had been roped in to it because ino had complained of "womanly issues", and though sai (and shikamaru and choui) knew that it was a lie, shikamaru grabbed the next best thing–which was the former anbu member who, despite years of experience, was trying to pretend that he wasn' there by staying still.

neither of ino's teammates (and life long friends) seemed remotely bothered by sai's presence in her apartment, and just took him in her place. and kakashi didn't seem to care that sai was there in place with ino–sai had managed to get under his skin the other day, so maybe a good dog washing was in order.

and so there he was, surrounded by ninken that he wasn't particularly fond of, giving them a bath. this was at the bottom of sai's list of things he wanted to do.

but, it gave him the opportune time to speak to chouji and shikamaru about the kissing situation. sai had also intended to spend more time with the two as well. they had been ino's best friends since she was born, and he wanted to get to know them, because from what he understood, ino liked it when they got along well. she had told him that it didn't matter if they didn't get along, because she liked sai and that was all that mattered, but it would be _nice_ if they did get along.

at the moment, as sai scrubbed behind urushi's ears, making sure that the dog was clean, he listened as shikamaru complained about his relationship with temari of the sand–the kazekage's older sister. sai had met her a few times, and she reminded him a lot of ino, bossy and loud with her head on her own shoulders. with the way shikamaru complained about girls like that (usually ino) sai wasn't sure why he would date one like her.

"have you tried kissing her when you're arguing? i once saw in a movie that the guy had done that, and the girl ceased arguing with him. this could solve your problems with temari." sai looked at shikamaru as he dried the dog in his hands, the dog swearing at him as he did.

"no, that's the worst idea possible." shikamaru was quick to object the idea, chouji laughing as bisuke licked at his hand–he seemed to have a way with dogs that both sai and shikamaru were jealous of.

"have you tried that before?" sai's question made chouji laugh even more, and shikamaru was positive that it was at that memory.

"yeah…with less than favourable results." shikamaru frowned once more, holding one of the dogs, at arm's length as he tried to inspect him and see if he was as clean as he needed to be.

"with temari?" the way the nara reacted, not bothering to even do anything, meant that was wrong. "with ino?" and sai couldn't help but smile as shikamaru nearly dropped the dog back in to the pol of water they had.

and chouji was laughing, outright and loud.

while the dog–guriko it turned out–cursed at shikamaru for nearly dropping him–sai could only smile knowing that he had gotten the right name. though, this didn't surprise him, because there weren't many girls that shikamaru spent much time with to begin with to actually try something like that.

"he did it once, and ino punched him so hard she broke his nose." chouji snickered as he gently towelled the dog in his lap, the dog laughing along as well. shikamaru didn't think it was very funny though, mumbling something about how ino had been extra stubborn that day in the first place. sai made a mental note of this, that maybe kissing a woman during an argument wasn't the best idea.

"was that your fist kiss with her?" he slid it in to the conversation, making sure not to forget his intentions, and find out about ino's first kiss with the two males. shikamaru was a bit surprised by the question, but he figured it would be easier to answer sai's inquiries than not be and have sai constantly asking him and then get the story from ino–who would no doubt twist it and turn it to suit her own needs.

"no. that happened back during our first chunin exams…she was afraid we were going to die there, and so she kissed me. said it was because she wasn't going to die a kissless loser. it was annoying and troublesome in the end, because we didn't even die." the way shikamaru sighed and spoke of the situation, it sounded as if just remembering it was 'troublesome' for him.

despite her fears ultimately being for naught, ino had kissed shikamaru and had deemed it important to have actually kissed someone. he wondered if over time, kissing people had lost it's value to ino and that's why she had gone around kissing people. or maybe it was that because she put so much value in them that she went around kissing all of their friends–and subsequently stealing their first kiss.

"ino tends to be dramatic like that when it comes to us." chouji offered a bit of an explanation, the dog in his hands more than happy to be bathed by him. "she was my first kiss too, after we got back from our mission to try and get sasuke, she was by my bed when i woke up in the hospital and she kissed me and told me how she had been worried for me. i think she was crying;" chouji trailed off softly, trying to figure out the exact specifics of his kiss with ino.

with chouji, there was the fear again, but this time the fear of losing her best friend. sai figured htat it would make sense to kiss someone if you were afraid that you were going to lose them or something. however, there was no way that he was going to kiss naruto or sakura if they were severely injured. maybe this had to do with the entire ino-shika-cho thing that he didn't quite understand.

"after that, it's like a flood gate opened though. ino is always kissing me and shikamaru." chouji couldn't help but add on that titbit, expressing his displeasure. "it's always made meeting other girls hard, especially because ino said that if they were bothered by their best friend kissing them, then they weren't really worth it to begin with."

that sounded like something that ino would say, as she always had an opinion about the girls that chouji and shikamaru saw. sai was currently her sound board for all of her complaints about their respective girlfriends, and all of the things that ino saw wrong with the girls.

"you know though, lately she hasn't been kissing us. and if she does it's on the cheek."

* * *

"ino-chan has kissed me before too!" lee was offering a story that no one, especially sai, had asked to hear. the road to suna was long, and hot, and sai wasn't entirely sure why he had been picked to escort the kazekage and his family back to suna with lee and tenten. he wasn't particularly fond of most of the people he was traveling with, other than tenten. lee was too loud, kankuro was strange (which by sai's standards, it took a lot to be considered strange), temari was "a shrewd woman who didn't understand how to be a woman" (or so ino told him) and the kazekage was the kazekage.

all in all, sai would honestly rather be washing kakashi's dogs again than be wit this crew.

"you've kissed blondie, bushy brows?" kankuro was surprised by the statement because he had expected lee to be kissless for the rest of his life. most of their friends did.

"mhmm! she wanted to have me write a mission report for her once, but i told her that i couldn't do it! she then tried to barter with me, but i had to refuse and then she kissed me!" everything about lee was so exaggerated, but something about this story seemed to be par the course for both him and ino.

"while i tried to explain that she mustn't do things like that and that kisses are sacred she left me at the konoha gates…with the mission reports to write." lee tapered off and frowned, expressing his displeasure in having been duped by the yamanaka.

"ino tends to do that when she wants things from us." tenten offered to fill in the blanks, and give an explanation, something she found herself doing more and more lately. "she's done the same to me before too. and i know neji once mentioned she had done something similar."

so, for ino, team gai was a way to get out of writing mission reports and she used kissing as a way to distract them from the issue at hand and get away on her own. that sounded about right for ino, and sai was really more concerned about how lee had brought it up in the first place. had his secret mission gotten around and now everyone knew? he doubted it. well, he hoped that he was wrong.

"man, if i had known that blondie was passing out kisses like that, i would've offered to write all of her mission reports for her." kankuro couldn't help but smirk, and sai momentarily wondered if it were possible to have him go missing in this vast space of land and not have it cause an international incident. before he said anything, lee was quick to jump to his defence, to explain how kankuro shouldn't say things like that now, because ino was spoken for and her boyfriend was right there and–

"she's kissed me before too." the words coming from the kazekage stopped everyone in their tracks as they all looked at gaara. even sai was shocked by the revelation.

"w-what? when?!" temari managed to sputter out questions, and she wanted answers. hell they all wanted answers.

"shortly after the war." gaara hadn't stopped walking, as if this wasn't the most shocking thing since he had announced his intent to date one rock lee (which was still up there as the number one most shocking thing to happen ever). "i was in konoha to discuss the capture of a missing suna ninja, who was currently being housed by the torture & interrogation unit. she had been hiding from morino ibiki and tsunade the men's bathroom–" sai had to wonder why she picked the men's room of all places– "when she saw me, she kissed me on the cheek and told me that i didn't see her, before leaving."

there was so much to the story that left sai wondering what exactly was going on. she had kissed gaara? on the cheek but still a kiss nonetheless. and from the way that the kazekage worded it, it sounded like it had been in a situation similar to lee and teneten's, where she used the kiss in order to distract them and get what she wanted. but why was she hiding? and why did she pick the men's bathroom?

and why on earth was gaara choosing _now_ to tell everyone (well everyone who was with him) about it.

"well? did you tell anyone where she was?" temari could feel a headache forming.

"no. it wasn't important, because she wasn't the one who was doing the interrogation." typical.

* * *

sasuke was in town, which meant that team seven _had_ to get together and have dinner. all of team seven, which included kakashi and yamato as well. normally, sia would be happy to spend time with his teammates–minus the uchiha. his presence always rubbed sai the wrong way. his entire existence did, really, but sai could never put a finger on why it was like that. nor could he exactly describe the feeling that he felt whenever the uchiha was around. he didn't trust him as far as he could throw him, which was one thing, but there was something else.

it was sai's luck (or curse, he wasn't sure) that he was the second to arrive at the katsu place–picked by sakura because it was her turn and she would be damned if they were getting ramen again. the first to arrive had been sasuke, and the two of them stared at each other for a moment, assessing each other before heading inside and sit in awkward silence until naruto or sakura showed up.

while there was an obvious dislike on sai's behalf, sasuke wasn't entirely sure where to put his finger on the spectrum of sai. he was torn between disliking him immensely, and liking him sometimes. he had been put on team seven to replace him, and he had done a good job with it in all honesty, but that didn't mean that sasuke had to accept him as a replacement.

and he didn't.

and so that lead to situations like this. two men sitting in a booth at a restaurant, both holding cups of tea trying to find something to do other than stare in to each other's eyes.

"so. i…hear you're dating ino." well, leave it to the uchiha to have the worst opener in the world.

"yes. it's because of that that ino has been deemed the winner of the competition between her and ugly. apparently, it is important to be the first one in a steady relationship." and if sasuke was awkward, sai was there to make the situation doubly awkward by making a jab at sasuke and sakura's 'relationship', which so far has consisted of sasuke shouting 'i like you!' at her in alleyways when no one was around and– on one occasion– quickes on the hokage desk.

sasuke choked on his tea.

as the awkward silence settled over them once more, sasuke found himself wishing, for once in his life, that he had naruto's social skills.

"is she doing good? ino, i mean." this, this awkward conversation that had too many pauses and didn't flow like a normal conversation, was sasuke's attempt at trying to be human, and make friends with his (sort of) teammate.

if ino was here, she would've been absolutely enthralled. not just because the two best looking men in konoha were together (and talking about her) but because she lived for moments like this. to be able to read a conversation between the two men who were known for having the emotional capability of a sour sponge? a yamanaka's dream.

"yes. may i ask why you are asking?" somewhere in fire country (most likely the capital, because she was on a mission) yamanaka ino was experiencing a sixth sense about this uncomfortable conversation, and it pained her to be missing it.

"i…well. you know, she and i–" sai raised a hand to cut off sasuke right there.

"there is no you and her. i am aware that she might have liked you at one point, but at this point it does not matter. i do not care if you have kissed her at one point in a time or another. that is not of my interest." sai gave that smile once more, the one that was so fake and placid it even gave the lone uchiha the creeps.

so they sat in silence, drinking lukewarm tea and hoping to god that sakura or naruto would show up.

* * *

somewhere, in a forest in fie country, yamanaka ino pressed a hand to her forehead.

"i'm sensing…something awkward…something hat i need to be at home to witness or else it isn't believable." ino mumbled, her face contorting just a bit as she tried to zone in on the conversation a thousand miles away.

"ino, focus." shikamaru reminded her that not only were they in the middle of a mission–but in the middle of a fight right now.

* * *

"so, i hear you went and did a little digging." it was a slow day at the flower shop, accented by ino sitting on the counter, swinging her legs just a bit as she looked at sai, who was seated behind the counter, idly drawing shapes on his sketch pad. she waited for no answer as she continued speaking.

"mhmm, i heard you went around asking people about being kissed by me." oh, so she had known. he wasn't sure hwo had told her, or anything of that nature–it was most likely sakura, the two hardly kept secrets from each other.

"i did. i was curious about the nature of kissing, as from my understanding, you only kiss the person that you like, but dickless had pointed out that you have kissed everyone, so i became curious." sai offered an explanation that made ino smile just a bit. it was something that she almost expected from him, to be just out of touch with everything.

though, ino supposed that this might be something peculiar to her, as she genuinely believed she was one of a kind.

"and you didn't think to ask me?" she raised an eyebrow as she got off of the counter, deciding to tend to some of the flowers in the shop, to give herself something to do.

"i was under the impression that a lady does not like to 'kiss and tell'." though, sai had learned, that none of the 'ladies' that he knew were under that moral code.

"who said i was a lady?" she glanced over her shoulder as she looked back at sai, winking at him. he should have expected something like that from ino, but she was unpredictable in her own way (maybe that was why she and naruto and kiba got along so well).

a small silence settled over the two of them once more, but it was a welcomed one, only the sound of sai's pencil on paper and ino shuffling around the shop filled it for the time being.

"i think a kiss is like a flower. while it may look like one thing, it can have many different meanings." her hands were tending to a chrysanthemum, a flower that sai had learned could mean numerous things, depending on its colour. "and while it looks like one thing, it's important not to judge it until you know the meaning of it, no matter what it may seem like." her hands were tending to the chrysanthemum, but her eyes were on the orange lilies that sat in the far back–she would often have to talk people out of buying them, and they were purley for show.

"i think i have come to understand that during my 'digging'." his eyes were resting on the woman across from him. she had taken the time to teach him about the flowers that decorated the shop, and in his apartment there was a small garden of flowers that he had picked out sitting on his window sill.

"there is also something else that i came across and would like to ask you about it." ino raised a brow once more as she looked back at her boyfriend. "would you like to 'make out' with me?" it sounded like he had practice the phrase a few times, but that didn't stop the sparkle in ino's eyes. sure, they had made out before but there was something about having him ask her so bluntly.

"why, i thought you would never ask." with a smile on her face, ino flipped the sign on the front from 'open' to 'closed'.


End file.
